This blog is mainly aimed for the audience of future racers that are in relationships and debating if doing this race is worth risking your current relationship. Despite the steady place I’m in now, I wish I would’ve had a racer’s perspective on this topic when I was wrestling with all the anxieties that came before my ‘Yes’ to this experience. For those who are in a committed relationship and worried if the World Race will disrupt the love you’ve built with someone else, I hope my personal experience can ease your apprehension and guide you in discernment.
Me and my current boyfriend had been together approximately 3 years before I left for the 11 month journey the Lord had placed on my heart to sign up for. From the beginning of this relationship, I had made him aware of my intentions to leave for this once I had graduated. I will say that his awareness early on did help us both in mental preparation. Regardless, I definitely had high doubts that we were strong enough to make it through 11 months of long distance; especially when I would be growing on a completely different track than him during that time. As a racer, you feel like you are aging 10 years in the 11 months you are in this race primarily due to all the exposure and mentoring you receive. In that, it was really important for me to have a partner that was willing to learn from me as well as grow alongside. It would’ve been really hard, personally, if I felt like my partner didn’t show interest in what I was learning or chose to remain stagnant in his own growth. That being said, I would strongly encourage you to talk with your partner about this in advance because as a racer, your growth is inevitable and sometimes the pace that accelerates at can be overwhelming for people back home to take in or feel like they have to “catch up.” In addition, giving grace for what they don’t understand or where it feels like you are in different places will also be crucial in not allowing your heart to be hardened or aim your frustrations at them.
I have to admit, the beginning of the race was a lot more difficult in the relational aspect due to the newness of it all. I was so immersed in what I was doing that it was hard to take time to slow down and invite my boyfriend into that space to appreciate things with me. Instead my mind was closed off to the idea that he would ever be able to understand the feelings I was trying to explain; therefore, it set up walls in my mind and in our conversations. Hot tip, give them a chance to understand. When trying to survive a virtual based relationship, you really have to guard your mind from defaulting to assumptions. I wish that in the moments I was tempted to pull away, I would have just been honest and open instead.
Now maybe for those reading, your mind doesn’t operate like mine does. However, on the off chance that you also think it easier to push away from hard emotions than confronting them, try to remember to take a step back when the frustration runs high to see where it is stemming from. Oftentimes I was frustrated at our circumstances, not him, but I still chose to assign that dissatisfaction towards him. As annoying as that is to look back on, I know I had a lot of growth to do and there will be many times when you just have to give yourself a little extra grace. The reality is that this is a strenuous experience and it will become very difficult for both parties. If you go in having talked about how you will handle the hard times and have realistic expectations, that is, in my opinion, the best you can do to try and maintain a healthy relationship.
Overall, placing your relationship in God’s hands and surrendering desires to Him does wonders for your peace of mind. Honestly, the Lord came through big time for me and I know that He definitely kept me and Jonah’s hearts pointed towards each other the whole time. Even in the hard moments, I felt a strong peace that the Lord had His hand on the relationship. That is the assurance that comes with putting God at the center, because then I got to rely on His divine guidance over my fluctuating heart.
The last piece of advice I can give to anyone trying to date on the race is to be honest with each other in everything. Don’t hold back what you’re struggling with or what you need from each other. About month 5 of my race, I knew I needed to have a serious conversation regarding purity and spiritual leadership. Although those conversations aren’t fun to have over the phone, it was essential to facilitate the growth that would come later. Don’t wait to dive deep with each other until you are in person, just go for it! Be expectant that God is going to show up and deliver what is best when you are seeking to honor Him. Things that I never really cared about before, started to become a big deal to me after I began the race. Jonah responded with a lot of peace and humility to my questions and new expectations for our relationship, which really helped in the long run. I know that everyone’s relationship is complex and different in its own way, but for a racer, that dynamic has the opportunity to get taken to a whole other level of growth and security. It is beautiful how you learn to trust and rely on each other in new ways and bond deeply even though you are not physically together. Please do not let your fears or anxiety of what is unknown stop you from trying. It was hard, but in the end it was very worth it. God can really use being in a relationship to edify you in unique ways apart from your single peers. I hope that this advice and some of my personal experience can help in whatever situation you may find yourself in. Also if you have any questions or just need to talk to someone about it, my contact is below:)
- Much Love, Tris
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