They That Wait…

My grandma used to always have me memorize the verse that said “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (Isa. 40:31). That verse was always nice to be reminded of, but I never really put it into practice as the typical independent, self-sufficient, American woman. This past season of ATL has been especially challenging because my team and I decided to have absolutely no plan; except for the knowledge that the Lord was calling us to a pilgrimage heading south. When I say no plans, I mean that we had put no schedule into place to meet our basic needs such as housing, transportation or meals. We just had our packs, a couple of tents and the intent to set out and trust that the Lord would provide. Naturally, this went against every instinct that I had ever lived by since Western culture tells me that I need to pave my own way, that there’s no one I can trust to rely on except myself and that my success in what I do is enough to bring me all the satisfaction I need. I knew that this ATL, and what I was about to walk into would be an ultimate challenge of my faith and force me to be dependent on the Lord. This trek was supposed to last about two weeks. All that my team and I were sure of is that we were supposed to walk along the same path Paul took in his journey towards Jerusalem in Romans 15:19. 

Right off the bat, I started having doubts. However, I wanted to challenge myself to really lean into God‘s provision and trust that He saw us. So, on a Sunday afternoon, me and my team hopped on a bus to our starting point which was in Durres, Albania. The first order of business was finding a place to eat since we had been traveling all morning and were very hangry. We had several disagreements and went back-and-forth on where we should go, but eventually ended up at this little hole-in-the-wall, Souflaque diner. Before going in, I noticed that there was a semi-American looking family sitting out front of the restaurant. My curiosity piqued so I walked over to the Mom (whose name was Jessica) and started up a conversation about where they were from and what they were doing here. As it turned out, her and her family were missionaries from New Mexico and had been living in Albania for quite some time with the intent to eventually end up in Italy. The family then decided to have lunch with us, which led to a beautiful time of deep discussion and getting to pray for one another. At this point we still did not have a place to sleep, but the family, last name being the Whiteheads, put us in contact with a local pastor that they knew. We went our separate ways with plans to meet up for dinner that following evening. Clay (the father) had offered to pay for our meal that evening.

After that, me and my team walked around a bit more and started exploring our options for overnight accommodations. We finally settled on this little patch of ground by the water where we thought we were gonna pitch our tents and just sleep out in the open. We then got a text from Clay saying that he and his family wanted to open up their home for us overnight and that they had enough beds and couches for all of us to stay.

The initial dinner we had with them that evening felt like a huge family reunion. The conversations were full of encouragement and laughter. One night with them turned into two nights, and one meal turned into several more with this family. The second day we stayed with them, it was their daughter Faith‘s birthday. Me and my team got to celebrate with her and the family and had an amazing time getting to be involved with fun family time. It felt like a home away from home. As if God had not shown up enough already, Clay shared a prophetic voice memo he had received from his church family back home stating that he was going to have the opportunity in discipling seven “Esthers” who were God’s handmaids. It was wild because there were seven of us, we were definitely being discipled under him in the time we were there and he also had a big heart for getting to pour into young missionaries. In reflection of those first couple days, we went from being homeless in a random town to getting to stay with a family and be provided for both physically and spiritually while also being a part of prophetic fulfillment for Clay. The odds of all that happening the way it did are so incredibly small. The fact that we even ran into them in the first place blows my mind. How cool is God?!

God radically providing not only free housing for two nights, but also several free meals and a warm community to edify our spirit was definitely the starting point that spurred us on for the rest of the journey. 

Once we left, our only goal for that day was to get out of Durres and into the next town. We ended up walking for six hours that day, but didn’t even get out of Durres because of all the stops we had made to evangelize or pray for people along the way. Eventually we came upon this ghost town strip full of hotels and empty restaurants right outside the city. It was Valentine’s night and we were all very hungry from a long day of traveling. By God’s provision my team found the one restaurant that was open on the entire strip. Since we were the only one’s there, the chef was our personal waiter and prepared fabulous meals for all of us. The chef (named Edmond) was very kind and catered to our every need. That night we ended up sleeping on the beach of the Adriatic Sea. Even though we were all extremely tired, the Lord had provided a delightful/ affordable meal, as well as a good night’s rest for us to continue our journey in the morning.

The next day we packed up our tent gear and headed out with the intention of walking another 3-4 hours to the next town. We stopped at a place to eat not far from where we camped. Before we could even order, a young couple passed by the restaurant and shouted in familiar English, “hey, do you go to CCU?” (pointing out one of the girls’ college T-shirts). Turns out that this young couple was from Oregon and that they had been traveling all over Europe for the past several months. We ended up inviting the couple, Kyle and Lacey, to eat with us and enjoyed several hours of candid conversation. They were a super aesthetic, fun couple that thrived off of adventure and had bubbly personalities. Hearing about our journey, they invited us to stay the night at their Airbnb with them so that we didn’t have to sleep out on the beach again. Although this went against our original intention to get further down the road, we gladly accepted. The night was filled with fun fellowship over card games, discussing deep theological questions and trying out this random Albanian alcohol lol. Their presence brought us so much life and energy. It was refreshing to be in the presence of other young believers from the States who weren’t a part of the World Race. 

I am now sitting here at a coffee shop in Vlore, Albania, which is the final place we felt the Lord calling us too. The team decided to get a homebase here and were able to find a beautiful/ spacious Airbnb for only $23 a night which is way under our budget. Through this whole experience of asking the Lord, he has taught me that if I make room for Him, He will be the provider for all of my needs. Not only did He meet my basic needs, but He also went above and beyond in meeting the desires of my heart as well. Overall, we were blessed exceedingly above, and beyond what we could’ve done for ourselves. This posture of living goes against every cultural instinct that I’ve grown up in. Living this way is what those around me might call lazy or unsustainable, but I’ve found it to be radically thrilling and life-giving. God knows our needs more than we even know our own, and He will show up in big ways if we allow room for it. Aside from the basic accommodations, we were also granted warm weather the entire time in the middle of February, breathtaking sunsets on the Adriatic Sea, special gifts from random strangers and access to visiting biblically relevant historical sites.

All I can say is, if we would’ve taken all of our needs into our own hands, we probably never would’ve met the Whitehead family, never would’ve met Kyle and Lacey and got to share in all of the wonderful memories and edifying moments that were made. The community we shared with them was a beautiful yet simple image of how the church should look. One body edifying each other with One spirit delighting in the One true God.

There is a lot of anxiety that comes up when thinking about going back to life in the States; stemming from the fear of falling back into a mindset that is drunk on striving. As much as I value hard work and chasing after my ambitions, nothing compares to the simple satisfaction I have in Christ. He carries me and will always provide for the deepest parts of my soul. He sees me and will never let me go. If anyone reading this feels the strain of holding the weight of life’s expectations on your shoulders, I urge you to let go and let God. Let Him hold you up and give you abundant peace. It seems like an obvious step, but the release of control and surrender to our preferences it requires are not easy conditions to meet. The main thing God has left me with from this experience is the knowledge that He wants to carry us, and lead us into a success beyond what we can accomplish for ourselves. Dependency on the Lord is a radical lifestyle, because for some reason everyone loves to carry their own needs on top of everyone around them on their own. Reader I’m telling you, put your dead weight into His open hands. You will feel so much lighter afterwards. Surrender paired with dependency is not what I thought it would look like, nor what I imagined I wanted, but it has given me a new sense of stability. A new way of thinking that takes the pressure of performance out of my hands. He is waiting and eager to show up for us in both the big and small ways. Shout out to my grandma for always reminding me of that.