Divine Silence

In every country I decided to note the spaces where I found the most intimacy with the Lord. These moments of divine silence were special and unique to that specific location and helped me navigate through emotional/spiritual mazes I was wrestling with. In each place, His presence was made new to me.

Midwest (pre-race): Solid blue sky, smell of grass and hay. Calming sounds like the buzz of bee and faint zoom of cars. God feels calm yet distant here: almost as if persistent persistence of Him is the only way to reach Him

Sumpango: My divine silence here is on the Reindom rooftop in the early mornings or afternoon as I lay in my hammock soaking up the warmth of the sun or listen to the subtle street noises below (dog barking, people sweeping , cars driving). Often I’m either looking out at the countless tin rooftops and green mountain before me, or fixated up at the sky watching the clouds pass by and take new form. All the while just resting in the stillness of the Lord and reflecting on all that He had done in that day. In that time I feel Him speak to me that He created my eyes of wonder and passion for creation all for Him and His glory and that my way of feeling and seeing the world around me brings Him so much joy and that I have a unique way of worshipping and delighting in the Lord that no one else possesses because He created me for Himself and He values unique relationship. In that place I do not have to peruse Him, He is already there ready to receive me with open arms.

Craiova: Honestly it was difficult to find divine silence here. In the few real moments of this that I had were either in the small kitchen table before the others woke up or at the Ponton coffee shop. There I was surrounded by strangers and loud noise, but for some reason I was able to focus more. The Lord’s presence felt scattered here. There were times when I felt Him so near and strong, and other times when He felt as far as home. In these spaces I don’t want to be looking anywhere except down at my Bible or journal, and the only sound I want entering my ears is worship music. This divine silence has to wade through my irritation in order to get to my heart, but the result led to a strengthening in faith through edifying my Spiritual gifts. Here God gave me wisdom to speak to the people of Romania, he gave me eyes to see Him in the little things and hands ready to move at any opportunity. Here He was greater than my weakness.

Kotodesh: I found my space worshipping out loud in our yard at sunset overlooking the vast mountain range and village. Here God puts things into perspective; how big He is and how small I am. Learning to let go and let God. To be still and know. From belief of God to knowledge of knowing His character and what I mean to Him personally. In this place all I can hear is the worship music blasting through my headphones. The air smells, admittedly, like it could be cleaner with hints of cigarette smoke and engine oil lingering. On my skin I feel a mixture of the warm sun and cool breeze that sweeps across the village.

Aviçik: Strolling through the vast grassy meadow by happenstance that overlooks some sort of orchard/vinyard. Seeing cows grazing off in the distance and large windmills spinning. As I turn around I can glimpse at the city I just left and a muddy construction site that boarders the rundown town and this secret paradise. I feel the wind; fresh like a fall breeze. I can hear the flock of chickadees chirping around me. Here I don’t smell the smoke and pollution of the city, just the earth and the grassy nature carried by the breeze. Here the Lord is peaceful and still. He is sweet and he is a homey comfort. My great escape from all the stress that awaits on the other side. My secret place.

Marka: It is dry, hot and colorless here. Oppression, violence and lack of the gospel are a heavy weight to feel. Desperate for a still soft presence, I go to the balcony to sit, be still and listen. The Lord’s presence with me here is strong and His peace is abounding, even when facing scary or unseemly circumstance. I feel Him in the breeze and quietness of the afternoon. I see him in the soft colors of the sky and flick of doves He’s sent to dance before me. The heat hurts my skin and the dust clouds my lungs, but up here I can catch a break and be with my God. As I look up I see one star in the sky; I look over and see one cloud in the distance. He is my One, my North Star always to be found near by. Constant, yet quiet.

Doi Saket; village condo: Zipping through the lush, humid landscapes on my bright red moped is where I find my divine silence. This peace is mobile and has carried me all over northern Thailand. I can’t really smell anything except the cloth inside my helmet and the sound is overwhelmed by the wind smacking my ears, yet my eyes are constantly left wide to take in all the surrounding majesty of how the Lord is revealed here. In this space it is just me, the Lord’s protection and the adrenaline rush of a two wheeled moto hitting top speed. In this the Lord feels so big, for I see Him in everything all around me. I feel free to experience and worship Him to much larger capacity than before. His divine silence is not just present in the ride, but in every destination.

Now I am home. Seeking to reunite with my first Love in the midst of the busyness. My God, do not move far from me; for I know You are the same here as you were anywhere else. Even when You feel far, I will trust in Your closeness that I know is true. When You make yourself known to me, I will sing Your praises louder than be far. Draw near to me in my pain and joy. Make every space a place for Your divine silence to flood my being.