The transition from a secular community to a devoted body of believers has definitely presented its challenges as well as reaped much richness and fulfillment. Especially being in an all squad month, there is much that I have had to digest as what I once knew to be reality clashes against the perspectives of those around me. A lot of growth has come from this season as I have processed many new revelations and contradictions. Below are a few of the topics that I have felt the Lord walking me through a deeper understanding of here in Romania. (side note: apologies in advance if my script has an old English tone to it. I have been watching way too much Pride and Prejudice as of late.)
Honor: The word is so old fashioned yet we see that it is biblical. In fact, the only one of the Ten Commandments that commends a blessing following our obedience is to honor our father and mother…”that you may live a long and full life” (Exodus 20). My quarry with this word is that I have previously struggled with it in the family dynamic, and now continue to see it demand a large strain in this season with living in close community. A sermon series by John Mark Comer on honor is what initially spurred my interest to meditate deeper on this subject. For according to Comer, to honor someone is to associate undiminished value to their being in all cases. No exceptions and no circumstantial excuses ; honor is to see that person or that community as Jesus would and conduct ourselves in alignment with how Jesus would. In this I have found what a huge responsibility I have to restraining my irritability and pride as it pertains to my perception on how things should be led or conducted within the teams and on the Race.
There is much freedom in not trying to make absolute what God has left relative. That being said, we cannot conclude that we will ever understand God fully or that we will discover one distinct “way” that is solely God. Resting in this has led me to honor my community well by learning from how they operate in the Spirit and seeing how the revelation of Christ moves differently throughout His diverse church. For we are all designed to be varying members of a corporate body (1 Corinthians 12) all working for the edification of the whole. In that, God has designed us to delight in Him and see the world in distinct ways so that our influence might be more widespread. How, then, could we ever fault ourselves on not seeing eye to eye on every biblical issue. As long as we all have one primary love, being Christ (Phillipians 2:2), we should not seek absolution in things more minute that God has not fully revealed Himself. This was a lesson I learned the hard way through having to resolve myself time and time again to people on my squad with whom I held felt misunderstood or dismissed by. Through it all, I learned that the quickest way to honor someone is to retain from being immediately reactive or assumptive if discord arises, and to always seek to treat them as the royal and set apart individual they were created to be. This definitely takes time and practice, but every little decision we make towards honor in small ways leads to developing a more sustainable character later on. This leads me to my next topic which is decisions.
Decisions: I make a million of them each day usually without a second thought. Since being here, the Lord has been convicting me to pay closer attention to the decisions I make as they start out as choices that turn into habits. Then later characteristics that slowly become more irreversible as time lumbers on. It is easy to become numb to what we gravitate towards in our consumption of media, words we speak or thoughts we have, but at the end of the day I have to ask myself if I am allowing my flesh or first-rate animal based desires to call the shots, or the born again creation I became when I declared the apprenticeship of Christ. For even Paul debates his inner wrestling in Romans 7 when he speaks on the inward struggle between will and desire. Based on personal wrestling in dealing with temptations while simultaneously striving for holiness, I have come to find that the battle for primary residence is won long before the actual temptation strikes. Through practicing conscious decision making to strive for things that are more holy ahead of time, this, then, strengthens my will to overcome my human flesh and fulfills my soul by abiding in the Spirit. For one’s will can only go so far if not partnered with the supernatural aid of the Spirit. Victory over our flesh demands partnership with the Spirit. This applies to varying areas in our lives including irritability, addictions, anger, eating habits, screen time or what have you. For example, if one chooses to reside in their residual anger over every small offense, how can they every expect to naturally fall into the virtue of compassion. It is a sacrificial choice to become a more heavenly creature, but a curse bound by the fall of man to consistently lean towards what is “natural.” My conclusion is that I cannot justify what is “natural” as being aligned with that which I was originally designed. Therefore, what will naturally bring me fulfillment is pursuing that which aligns with my original design, not my earthly desires that were only meant to satisfy my curse bound flesh. The solution? Continually exercising discipline in you decisions, being a conscious consumer, practicing abandonment and partnering your mind and desires with the Spirit.
Lastly the Lord has been revealing much to me regarding prayer.
Prayer: According to pastor Tyler Staton, prayer is an invitation to become. It is the directory through which we can guide our actions towards a just cause. I have to admit that before this race, I would’ve considered myself someone with a heart for justice for relieving the oppressed, but not one who valued prayer. In my time here, I have come to realize prayer as not merely a means of communication, but a weapon of intercession that is used to fight on all the spiritual battlefronts to bring about the change we are truly seeking. Becoming a person of ardent prayer has changed my heart towards the things I’m praying for. I have come to see prayer as an almost dangerous endeavor because I then see doors opening to partake in the change I pray for. In Luke 19, Jesus weeps for the city of Jerusalem as He longs for them to come back to the righteousness of God and for the corruption to dissolve. Later in Mark 11:15, Jesus acts in answer to His own prayer as He storms the temple and upsets the ungodliness that was residing there. His actions were based out of a desire of love to see His people come back to righteousness, and so he saw the opportunity to drive out the current corruption that was festering there. From His example, I have learned that I was not merely meant to be a person of prayer for the nations, but also one who is willing to embody my prayers and walk in a way that seeks to be apart of the answer. The story of the cigarette in my last blog is one example of this. I prayed into my hope for that young man, and God decided to invite me into being apart of the answer. When we pray this way, it can often wind us up in some pretty uncomfortable and difficult situations that will require a form of sacrifice or cost. I will give more examples in my upcoming blog on how God has gifted me the opportunities to live as an answer to my own prayers in this way. Living out life poured out as a drink offering to bless or serve others is what it means to truly reflect the depth of Christ’s love. To reflect this love is to know it and one cannot know of this depthless love without being willing to wade out into the deep themselves.
Alongside these revelations of seeing prayer as a way to enable action, I have also fallen in love with the sweet side of prayer which encapsulates abidance. The race is a difficult experience that leaves many in a tired state of constantly trying to figure out themselves and God. In this pursuit, there are many opportunities to turn to outward entities to seek understanding and answers to the doubts, theories or revelations that are consuming our minds. My mind often weighs very heavy with all the new things consistently coming to light along this journey, and the best solution I have found for my tired mind and restless soul is abidance. This practice does not come naturally, for to still one’s mind is often an impossible task for the modern American. It has taken me a while, but I have come to find prayer as my sweet escape to talk out loud, to sing and to commune with my first love who knows me so intimately. This life can be taxing; even the mission field has its distractions. In the midst of all that’s going on and being away from all that is familiar, the one simple pleasure I am left is my access to prayer and the rest for my soul that accompanies. This is yet another way God has drawn me closer to Himself in this time. I would urge you all to lean more into the comfort of prayer, for a child of God can never utter a bad one, and God never leaves our hearts the same once we start diligently pursuing it.
The title of this blog and its contents pretty much give away that the time here has left me extremely contemplative. It is a lot to sort through this mess of thoughts weighing down my brain, but overall, my heart is left extremely full in getting the opportunity to grow in it all. I hope that these topics and thoughts were enlightening or challenged you in some small way. I thank you all once again for continued support in prayers and love. Me and my new team (Stacked) are currently living in a secluded village in the Albanian mountains. Be praying that the transition goes well and that we are able to be active for the Kingdom in our days here.
Much Love – Tris
